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Okay, maybe not. I had heard the oneand only Brittany Andrews was back in LA for one night only beforeheading on the road for a few months, so I lied to the wife and tookoff for the club. Of course, by the time Brittany got on stage, I hadhad a lot to drink, and had also gotten up close to the stage, so Icould see the whole show. During her dominatrix routine, she grabbed meand said, "Is this as close as you've ever been to a naked woman, youloser?" I responded, "Actually, I'm married, you bitch." Wrong answer."Then why the fuck are you here?" she replied. "I cheat on her all thetime, actually, I was gonna get with you after the show, besides whatshe doesn't know won't hurt her." "We'll just see about that, bitchboy," she responded, and strutted away.After what seemed like hours later, one of the bouncers at the clubapproached me, and told me that my presence was requested in the back.Now, I was pretty drunk, but I hadn't caused any trouble, so I waspuzzled, but the guy was much. " She looked in my eyes, "I should stop talking. I'm sure I've already done an excellent job of convincing you that I'm a little crazy." Eccentric, maybe." By the time I said it, I was talking to nothing more than empty air, faintly scented with violet.That winter, I caught the flu. At the same time, the Vitalux got a seemingly perpetual case of the shakes. Martin, the camera repair specialist, had made a special trip out, looked the camera over, and shook his head, "I know what she needs, but I've been looking for parts for months with no luck at all." What should I do?" I sniffled, eyes puffy and nose running in spite of all that modern pharmacia had offered me. "I can't show movies like this. The shaking makes the images all blurry."Martin did a slow circuit around the projector, considering it carefully. Finally, he shook his head again, "Get something heavy in here. Brace the feet. I'll keep looking for the parts."I wiped my nose with a tissue, "Won't it eventually shake itself.
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